🤍 The Chairman & Me 🤍

Ladies and gentlemen, if you're a swiftie you know who the Chairman is. For those who aren't, the Chairman is the one and only Taylor Swift. On April 19th she released her 11th album... or shall I say 11th part one and 11th part two? Yes, you read it right: after a long time we finally got THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT. And at 2 am we got The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology. To sum it up: not only we got shattered at midnight with 16 songs, but we got definitely destroyed at 2 with 15 titles in addition to the previous 16. For a total of 31 songs, get ready to cry, smile, dance, breakdown. TTPD travels through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. To prepare us, Taylor created five playlists on Apple Music with songs that were related to these themes. And trust me, it wasn't what I expected at all.
The album starts with some up-beat-ish rhythms and slowly fades into songs that makes you say nothing but "Poor her". After a first listening of TTPD in the morning, I logged into Genius to read the lyrics, and FYI I already know half of the songs. Then, later that day, at night, me and my sister had a video-call with our cousins to discuss the The Anthology and even if we have different opinions, we agree that after all the album is a masterpiece. We agree that it is a mix of folklore and Midnights with some connections to the older albums, mainly with links to specifics songs.
Enough of explaining, it is boring. Just listen to it and then you'll get it all. Anyway, the title of the article says: "The Chairman and me". That is because I found some lyrics that reflects some aspects of my life, past and present, and some other made my heart explode with sadness. Therefore, without further introduction, here are the lines that will mark my soul for good. And, once again, they won't be explained.

🤍 Fortnight (feat. Post Malone): I took the miracle move-on drug, the effects were temporary / And I love you, it's ruining my life
[...] Thought of callin ys, but you won't pick up

🤍 The Tortured Poets Department: I think some things I never say
[...] So tell me, who else is gonna know me? / At dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger / And put it on the one people put wedding rings on / And that's the closest I've come to my heart exploding

🤍 My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys: 'Cause I knew too much, there was danger in the heat of my touch / He saw forever, so he smashed it up
[...] Stole my tortured heart / Left all these broken parts / Told me I'm better off / But I'm not

🤍 Down Bad: They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about / The existence of you
[...] How dare you think it's romantic / Leaving me safe and stranded / 'Cause **** it, I was in love / So **** you if I can't have us

🤍 So Long, London: My spine split from carrying us up the hill / Wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill / I stopped tryna make him laugh, stopped tryna drill the safe
[...] I stoppеd CPR, after all, it's no use / The spirit was gonе
[...] Just how low did you / Think I'd go 'fore I'd self-implode? / 'Fore I'd have to go be free?

🤍 But Daddy I Love Him: Growin' up precocious sometimes means / Not growin' up at all
[...] I'll tell you something right now / I'd rather burn my whole life down / Than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' and moanin'
[...] God save the most judgmental creeps / Who say they want what's best for me / Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see

🤍 Fresh Out The Slammer: My friends tried, but I wouldn't hear it / Watch me daily disappearing / For just one glimpse of his smile / All those nights, he kept me goin' / Swirled you into all of my poems / Now we're at the starting line, I did my time

🤍 Florida!!! (feat. Florence + The Machine): Well, me and my ghosts, wе had a hell of a time / Yes, I'm hauntеd, but I'm feeling just fine
[...] I need to forget, so take me to Florida / I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida / Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable / At least the dolls are beautiful, fuck me up, Florida
[...] Love left me like this and I don't want to exist So take me to Florida
[...] Florida / Go on, **** me up

🤍 Guilty As Sin?: My boredom's bone-deep / This cage was once just fine / Am I allowed to cry? / I dream of crackin' locks / Throwin' my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks
[...] Am I bad or mad or wise?
[...] Without ever touchin' his skin / How can I be guilty as sin?
[...] What if I roll the stone away? / They're gonna crucify me anyway

🤍 Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me?: You don't get to tell me about "sad" / If you wanted me dead, you should've just said / Nothing makes me feel more alive / So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street / Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream / "Who's afraid of little old me?" / You should be
[...] Is it a wonder I broke? Let's hear one morе joke / Then we could all just laugh until I cry
[...] I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean / "Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth" / Who's afraid of little old me? / Well, you should be
[...] So tell me everything is not about me / But what if it is? / Then say they didn't do it to hurt me / But what if they did? / I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me

🤍 I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can): Trust me, I can handle me a dangerous man / No, really, I can /  I can fix him, no, really, I can (No, really, I can) / Woah, maybe I can't

🤍 loml: Still alivе, killing time at the cemеtery / Never quite buried
[...] You said I'm the love of your life / About a million times
[...] Are they second-hand embarrassed / That I can't get out of bed / 'Cause something counterfeit's dead? / It was legendary / It was momentary / It was unnecessary / Should've let it stay buried / Oh, what a valiant roar / What a bland goodbye / The coward claimed he was a lion I'm combing through the braids of lies / "I'll never leave," "Never mind" / Our field of dreams engulfed in fire / Your arson's match, your somber eyes / And I'll still see it until I die / You're the loss of my life

🤍 I Can Do It With a Broken Heart: can read your mind / "She's having the time of her life"
[...] I can show you lies / 'Cause I'm a real tough kid / I can handle my shit / They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did / Lights, camera, bitch, smile / Even when you wanna die
[...] I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday every day / I'm so obsessed with him, but he /avoids me like the plague / I cry a lot, but I am so productive, it's an art / You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart
[...] You know you're good / And I'm good / 'Cause I'm miserable (Haha) / And nobody even knows

🤍 The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived: 'Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden / I would've died for your sins, instead, I just died inside
[...] And in plain sight you hid / But you are what you did / And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive / The smallest man who ever lived

Pinterest

🤍 The Black Dog: And you jump up, but she's too young to know this song / That was intertwined in the magic fabric of our dreaming / Old habits die screaming
[...] And I may never open up thе way I did for you / And all of those best laid plans / You said I needed a bravе man / Then proceeded to play him / Until I believed it too / And it kills me
[...] Were you makin' fun of me / With some esoteric joke? / Now I wanna sell my house / And set fire to all my clothes / And hire a priest to come and exorcise my demons / Even if I die screaming / And I hope you hear it

🤍 imgonnagetyouback: Small talk, big love, act like I don't care what you did / I'm an Aston / Martin that you steered straight into the ditch / Then ran and hid
[...] Told my friends I hate you, but I love you just the same / Pick your poison, babe, I'm poison either way

🤍 The Albatross: Locked me up in towers / But I'd visit in your dreams / And they tried to warn you about me / Devils that you know / Raise worse hell than a stranger / She's the death you chose / You're in terrible danger
[...] And when that sky rains fire on you / And you're persona non grata / I'll tell you how I've been there too / And that none of it matters
[...] So I crossed my thoughtless heart / Spread my wings like a parachute / I'm the albatross / I swept in at the rescue/ The devil that you know / Looks now more like an angel / I'm the life you chose / And all this terrible danger

🤍 Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus: Your hologram stumbled into my apartment / Hands in the hair of somebody in darkness / Named Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus / And I just watched it happen
[...] I changed into goddesses, villains, and fools / Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules / All to outrun my desertion of you / And you just watched it
[...] 'Cause I wonder / Will I always / Will I always wonder?

🤍 How Did It End?: We hereby conduct this post-mortem
[...] My beloved ghost and me / Sitting in a tree / D-Y-I-N-G
[...] It's happenin' again / How did it end? / I can't pretend like I understand / How did it end?

🤍 I Hate It Here: I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind / People need a key to get to, the only one is mine / I read about it in a book when I was a precocious child / No mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears / I'm there most of the year 'cause I hate it here
[...] I'm lonely, but I'm good / I'm bitter, but I swear I'm fine / I'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and I'll get lost on purpose / This place made me feel worthless / Lucid dreams like electricity, the current flies through me / And in my fantasies, I rise above it / And way up there, I actually love it

🤍 I Look In People's Windows: I had died the tiniest death
[...] I look in people's windows / Transfixed by rose golden glows / They have their friends over to drink nice wine / I look in people's windows / In case you're at their table / What if your eyes looked up and met mine / One more time
[...] Does it feel alright to not know me? / I'm addicted to the "if only" / So I look in people's windows / Like I'm some deranged weirdo

🤍 The Prophecy: I got cursed like Eve got bitten / Oh, was it punishment?
[...] Please / I've been on my knees / Change the prophecy / Don't want money / Just someone who wants my company / Let it once be me / Who do I have to speak to / About if they can redo the prophecy?
[...] A greater woman stays cool / But I howl like a wolf at the moon / And I look unstable
[...] I'm so afraid I sealed my fate / No sign of soulmates / I'm just a paperweight in shades of greige / Spending my last coin so someone will tell me it'll be okay

🤍 Cassandra: I was in my tower weaving nightmares / Twisting all my smiles into snarls / They say, "What doesn't kill you makes you aware" / What happens if it becomes who you are?
 / So, they killed Cassandra first 'cause she feared the worst / And tried to tell the town / So they set my life in flames, I regret to say / Do you believe me now?
[...] You can mark my words that I said it first / In a mourning warning, no one heard
[...] I patched up the crack along the wall / I pass it and lose track of what I'm saying / 'Cause that's where I was when I lost it all
[...] When it's "Burn the bitch," they're shrieking / When the truth comes out, it's quiet / It's so quiet

🤍 Peter: And I didn't wanna come down / I thought it was just goodbye for now / You said you were gonna grow up / Then you were gonna come find me
[...] Words from the mouths of babes / Promises oceans deep / But never to keep / Oh, never to keep
[...] I've heard great things, Peter / But life was always easier on you / Than it was on me / And sometimes it gets me / When crossing your jet stream / We both did the best we could do / Underneath the same moon / In different galaxies / And I won't confess that I waited, but I let the lamp burn / As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return / With your feet on the ground, tell me all that you'd learned / 'Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned / And you said you'd come and get me, but you were twenty-five / And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired / Lost to the "Lost Boys" chapter of your life / Forgive me, Peter, please know that I tried / To hold on (Hold on) to the days (To the days) / When you were mine / But the woman who sits by the window / Has turned out the light

🤍 The Bolter: Excellent fun 'til you get to know her / Then she runs like it's a race / Behind her back, her best mates laughed / And they nicknamed her "The Bolter"
[...] Wish he wouldn't be sore / But as she was leaving / It felt like breathing

🤍 The Manuscript: Now and then she rereads the manuscript / Of the entire torrid affair
[...] But soon it was over
[...] In the age of him, she wished she was thirty
[...] And the years passed / Like scenes of a show / The professor said to write what you know / Lookin' backwards / Might be the only way to move forward
[...] And the tears fell / In synchronicity with the score / And at last / She knew what the agony had been for / The only thing that's left is the manuscript / One last souvenir from my trip to your shores / Now and then I reread the manuscript / But the story isn't mine anymore

Dear tortured poets, my suggestion (to heal the pain caused by this album) is to watch the "Dead Poets Society" until you smile at the end (it'll take some time, but you eventually will).